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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25568614">been away for far too long (please hold on)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rwtia64/pseuds/rwtia64'>rwtia64</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>before we learned our truth too late (resigned to fate, fading away) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Motherland: Fort Salem (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Jealous Scylla, Jealousy, Light Angst, Pining, Scylla isn't Spree</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:07:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,705</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25568614</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rwtia64/pseuds/rwtia64</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Scylla has already lost Raelle, lost her to lies and deceit and duty. She didn't think she could lose her in more ways than one.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>before we learned our truth too late (resigned to fate, fading away) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1784302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>been away for far too long (please hold on)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Duty</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Raelle is out of her sight for all of two months and shit's already hit the fan.</p>
<p>Their party's been at the outpost in Virginia for two weeks now, still following up on a lead they'd traced back to a boarding house. They haven't been able to make a move, everyone hesitant after what happened at Kiev and Baylord.</p>
<p>She's lying on her bed in the barracks, trying to make the most of her break before Caroline inevitably calls for her. She's fiddling with the skull corsage, one of the few things she'd brought back from the Fort, when she hears the telltale whispers of an incoming Link.</p>
<p>"<em>Ramshorn,</em>" she hears once Anacostia's voice comes out clear over the buzzing.</p>
<p>"Anacostia?" She smiles to herself. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"</p>
<p>It's silent for a moment, and Scylla's starting to think the connection was lost when Anacostia speaks again. "<em>Is this a bad time?</em>" Her voice is alarmingly somber, and Scylla finds herself already dreading the conversation before she even has an idea what it could be about because, really, why else would Anacostia be reaching out to her except for bad news?</p>
<p>"No time like the present, so just give it to me, Sarge."</p>
<p>"<em>Well, might as well just…</em>" Anacostia trails off and breathes out. "<em>Raelle's being deployed.</em>"</p>
<p>"What?" Scylla sits up suddenly at the news. "Why?! That doesn't… that makes no sense. Why?!" Raelle was unorthodox at times with her off-canon abilities, sure, but she was <em>brilliant </em>and very obviously powerful and absolutely does not deserve to be on the frontlines this early.</p>
<p>She was supposed to go to war college, almost guaranteed with High Atlantic, to get more training and to flourish and thrive and become one of the best Fixers of her year, but now…</p>
<p>"<em>Raelle told Petra about our little Spree guest</em>," Anacostia says, referring to Ryan, who'd tried for months to grab Raelle right under Alder's nose. "<em>And as you'd expect, Alder was pissed. Blocked their admission to the college." </em>There's a pause, Scylla still speechless, her mind already filling itself with horrifying images of Raelle out on the field. "<em>And they're leaving today </em>—"</p>
<p>"What?" Scylla's demands incredulously, her voice getting higher. "But she can't, she's not… Anacostia, it's dangerous. They're not ready."</p>
<p>"<em>No one ever is. But she's strong, Scylla. You know that.</em>" It does nothing to soothe her fears.</p>
<p>"But… the Spree." <em>Her mother</em>, Scylla thinks but doesn't say, unsure how much Anacostia knows. "They could still be after her."</p>
<p>"<em>And she'll be with Alder for this mission</em>. <em>They'll be fine,</em>" Anacostia tells her, though she sounds like she's trying to convince herself, too. "<em>Anyway… I just thought you should know.</em>"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Scylla finds her mind straying to thoughts of Raelle all the time.</p>
<p>Scylla's furious. Furious at Alder, who <em>knows </em>the risks being out of the Fort posed for Raelle; she knows that the Spree had already risked so much in their attempts to get ahold of Raelle, and she wonders if Alder had done this on purpose, to root out Willa or her disciples.</p>
<p>She's furious at the circumstances, because despite how Raelle may have felt in the beginning, she knows that the girl worked so hard to prove herself in Basic. Furious that just when Raelle had gotten her hopes up about war college, she was now out on the field. <em>War meat.</em></p>
<p>She's furious that she's powerless to do anything.</p>
<p>She doesn't even know where Raelle is, what op she's on. She's been trying to link with Anacostia for days, and she's not sure if it's the Fort's wards or Anacostia herself blocking her out, but she needs information. She needs to know how Raelle's doing, and that she's okay.</p>
<p>Her days become a countdown of sorts for her, counting down the days of how long Raelle's been on the field, just wondering when she would get word that she's returned from tour. Worrying about her begins to take precedence over drills and paperwork and scouting missions, and it doesn't go unnoticed by Caroline and her other instructors. None of her tasks, previously menial and routine to her, come easy anymore, not when her anxiety brings up every frightening possibility she thinks could happen to Raelle the longer she's away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A week later and she's still cripplingly distracted. She wonders if it will ever be easy, if the day will come when Scylla would just stop thinking about Raelle every minute of her day and she could go back to fulfilling her duty — the same duty that now has Raelle's life on the line.</p>
<p>She doubts she could forget Raelle, but she's hopeful that it would get better. That she'd get news in a month or two that their young unit has been sent home, and they'd be deployed again in a couple of months, longer for their second go, and again and again like clockwork. They would make a name for themselves, and Raelle could become a fixer at the Fort, personally seeing to Alder's health.</p>
<p>She allows herself a few hours of comfort, forces herself to take Raelle off her mind, lets herself hope that her fears could remain just that: fears and worst-case scenarios.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Death</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course, the minute she even considered the good possibilities, she's jinxed it, she thinks when the news arrives with a visiting company joining them at the banquet that evening.</p>
<p>Her fears and worst-case scenarios have just become a waking nightmare.</p>
<p>Scylla instantly shuts down, her world fading around her.</p>
<p>She sees Raelle everywhere she looks. She's all she sees in her mind's eye, is all she wants to see. She doesn't see the people trying to talk to her, and she couldn't bring herself to care.</p>
<p>Dazed, she walks around mindlessly and thinks she sees Raelle at the end of every path, at every turn, so she keeps moving, a mess of words replaying in her mind.</p>
<p>Raelle Collar: killed in action.</p>
<p>
  <em>"A whole unit didn't make it, one of the new ones."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Damn."</em>
</p>
<p>Raelle was dead…</p>
<p>
  <em>"They said there was a Bellweather, can you believe that? A Bellweather, dead on her first tour."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Hey."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I'm just saying."</em>
</p>
<p>Abigail: dead.</p>
<p>
  <em>          You are not going to mess this up for us.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          I like doing everything because of you.</em>
</p>
<p>Raelle: dead.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Alder had to leave them behind."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Maybe they're still alive then."</em>
</p>
<p>Scylla thinks of a soft, hesitant smile.</p>
<p>
  <em>          Miss me?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          Yeah, always.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"There was an explosion apparently, and they were right in the middle of it."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          ... get blown up on the front lines because you suck so bad?</em>
</p>
<p>She cringes when the memory of those words hit her, something she'd said so casually that first night when she so recklessly kissed her.</p>
<p>Scylla falls to her knees, face contorted in anguish. She's somewhere in the woods now, the night sparkling with bioluminescence that heartbreakingly reminds her of evenings spent sneaking around with Raelle.</p>
<p><em>"Oh. So really dead then</em>."</p>
<p>
  <em>          Die young?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          Something like that. But faster.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"They saved the Tarim. They died heroes."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Heroes. An honorable death is the way to go."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          I hate to break it to you, beautiful, because there's no way out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"May the Goddess bless them."</em>
</p>
<p>And Scylla's suddenly laughing, hysterical, because in the end, Raelle got what she wanted in the first place: a swift death on the battlefield. Now, when she'd changed her mind about everything. When she worked so hard at Basic, only to get unfairly thrown to the wolves, to die.</p>
<p>
  <em>To die.</em>
</p>
<p>And she died.</p>
<p>
  <em>          I loved you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          Did you ever really love me?</em>
</p>
<p>Raelle died thinking Scylla didn't love her, thinking her feelings weren't real.</p>
<p>And she's screaming and crying, calling out for no one, for <em>Raelle,</em> Raelle to come back. She begs the sky, prays to the goddess for the first time in years, for this nightmare to be over.</p>
<p>No one answers. Raelle doesn't magically appear out of thin air, doesn't even humor her by haunting her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She's not sure how she gets back to her room later that night, but when she's back, she immediately works to create a Link with Anacostia.</p>
<p>This time, Anacostia accepts the link. Scylla gets the faint sense that Anacostia had perhaps been expecting her.</p>
<p>She didn't think she could handle finding out the details, but she already couldn't handle it, anyway.</p>
<p>So, she asks Anacostia anyway.</p>
<p>Maybe she wanted to cling to the small hope that she could still be alive. If a cavern collapsed around them, they could have gotten out when the others were gone. Or if she'd fallen off the Bat, she could have survived somehow. If they were captured, they still have a chance of getting away, or being saved.</p>
<p>The answer she gets is the opposite of what she was hoping to hear. It made her feel hopeless.</p>
<p>Empty.</p>
<p>"<em>She was stabbed. In the chest. Craven and Bellweather jumped off the Bat to get to her, tried to heal her. Alder and Adir said they both collapsed after that. Then when they were airborne, an explosion went off.</em>"</p>
<p>Scylla zones out during the link, catching only snippets of the conversation she hopes she could forget. She thought she'd cried herself out in the forest, but now, tears are falling from her eyes like a stream, non-stop, and she has no energy to even try to hold them back.</p>
<p>"—<em> and</em> <em>Alder wouldn't have abandoned them otherwise if they could have been saved —</em>"</p>
<p><em>"— scouts from China saw mangled remains of at least four Camarilla in the vicinity </em>—"</p>
<p>"— <em>no way anyone could have survived </em>—"</p>
<p>Scylla doesn't even notice when the link cuts off or if she'd dropped subconsciously.</p>
<p>She doesn't know how long she lies there, crying, staring blankly at the ceiling when she exhausts herself before she starts back up again.</p>
<p>She falls asleep to the haunting memory of blue eyes, ones she could never lay her eyes on ever again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Distance</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Raelle is alive.</p>
<p>Scylla repeats it in her mind like a prayer, over and over, the words just sounding <em>so right </em>together in her head and on her tongue, so she says it out loud: "Raelle is alive." She's not surprised by the tone her voice has taken on, the sheer relief and exhilaration she feels about being able to say it.</p>
<p><em>'They're back,' </em>were the whispers that was heard throughout camp that morning.</p>
<p><em>'It's a miracle,' </em>the others had said.</p>
<p>
  <em>'They're all shaken.'</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'They say they don't remember.'</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'No one can Link with them. Even when Quartermaine tries, she comes up blank. Literally. Just pitch black, then memories of their Linking before the explosion.'</em>
</p>
<p><em>'They were gone for weeks,' </em>one of the older Eyes point out. '<em>Are you telling me they've been asleep all that time?'</em></p>
<p>
  <em>'How the hell should I know? You feel like going all the way back to Fort Salem to ask them that?'</em>
</p>
<p>And Scylla knows that Fort Salem is <em>at least </em>500 miles away, but suddenly, it feels much, much farther, because Raelle was still here, in this world, <em>alive</em>, but Scylla can't see her, can't hold her, can't reach her.</p>
<p>Yet.</p>
<p>She storms to the barracks with the steely determination that made her top of her class, marked her among her fellow trainees as someone to watch out for, that unshakable resolve that caught Alder's attention to begin with.</p>
<p>She feels her gall fade as soon as she's alone with her mentor. "Please," she practically begs. "I lost her once. I can't go through that again."</p>
<p>She tried not to get her hopes up, but deep down, she always knew. Caroline knows first-hand what it feels like, to want to be with loved ones, to not have that choice because of <em>duty </em>and sacrifice and the principle of the thing. It's past the point of no return for Caroline — unless she suffers an injury like her mother, and Scylla and the goddess know that they way Caroline sometimes gazes at their arsenal speaks volumes about how much she's even considered that idea, but Scylla doesn't bring it up — but they both know — hope — that it isn't too late for Scylla.</p>
<p>"Switching back to Necro now would put this past year and a half with us to waste, Scy…" Caroline tries half-heartedly just for the sake of it, though she already knows that Scylla's mind has been made.</p>
<p>And it wasn't a waste, Scylla thinks. Not if it gave her Raelle.</p>
<p>With a resigned sigh, Caroline tells her, "I'll talk to Alder. I'll tell her you're not turning out to be the good fit for the Eye I thought you'd be." Caroline grabs her hand before she could get too excited. "Yet. I'll say not yet. So, if you change your mind, tell me immediately so I can recall the review."</p>
<p>Scylla smiles wider than she ever has, fighting back the urge to hug the woman in front of her. "I won't change my mind."</p>
<p>And Caroline gives her a small smile, a thumb sliding over the hand still in hers. "Just in case."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next month of preparation — of faked, declining performance from Scylla, of Caroline compiling reports and assessments that all boil down to her return to Fort Salem for reevaluation and Fort training — feels like the longest month she's ever had. But each day that passes is a day closer to Raelle, and that thought alone keeps her going.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Another</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mikaelson.</p>
<p>Raelle is with Hope Mikaelson.</p>
<p>Scylla laughed the prospect off at first when she heard it from Helen. Mikaelson was so obviously head over heels for the smaller Saltzman, even the idea of Hope being with anyone else was ludicrous to her ears.</p>
<p>The day she returns to Fort Salem, all she can think about is Raelle, of seeing her for the first time since the Bellweather fiasco. How would she take the news of her return? Has she forgiven her? Does she have new scars to show from her time on the field? Is she stronger? Does she really not remember anything from her weeks of <em>being dead</em> but not so?</p>
<p>Can she still smile the way she used to?</p>
<p>Does she still love her?</p>
<p>She figured that even if Raelle hasn't forgiven her yet, she would find a way to make it work somehow. She got Raelle to fall in love with her before, she can do it again. This time, she can do it for real. No lies, no assignments, just <em>them.</em></p>
<p>She didn't account for the possibility of Raelle moving on with someone else. Didn't account for the possibility of seeing someone else's hand in Raelle's, someone else's lips on hers. Raelle being latefor goddamn third bells for <em>someone else</em>.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Caroline's offer doesn't seem so laughable.</p>
<p>One look at Raelle reminds Scylla why she's here, though.</p>
<p>She wants to see her, to be around her. She wants the chance to make it up to her and to show her just how much she means to her.</p>
<p>But of course, Raelle doesn't make it easy. She's as stubborn as she remembers, as hard-headed and resentful as ever. And Scylla just loves her <em>so much</em>.</p>
<p>It's not easy. They barely talk or even see each other, and when they do, Raelle looks at her with such hurt and betrayal that it breaks her heart even more, brings back the guilt tenfold.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Scylla sometimes wonders if this means that she's lost Raelle for good.</p>
<p>And sometimes, she thinks she deserves it. Maybe she didn't deserve Raelle's attention. Maybe she really was meant for the life of an Eye.</p>
<p>She's watching Raelle laugh with her friends and slip on the field one day, looking happy and content like she never has before, and Scylla finds herself smiling, thinking maybe… maybe none of it really matters in the end.</p>
<p>Never mind that she wants nothing more than to be with her, than to run to her and take her in her arms, steal her away from her unit and freakin' Mikaelson, sneak around to look for the Fort's secrets with her. No, she doesn't care about anything else, not really. Not when Raelle was here, alive and well and <em>happy</em>, and in the end, that's all that matters to her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I promised (myself and at the end of the fic before this) that I'd post this last month. This goes to show why I cannot be trusted with a multi-chapter fic.</p>
<p>I don't really know how I feel about this. It feels like I came up short IDK and I waited too long to finish this so my ideas when I started this are... *poof*, horribly clipped. But anyway, I guess that's what <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24669325">the next story in this series</a> is for?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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